~ You Are My Road To Travel ~

"You Are My Road To Travel"

I didn't know that today I'd feel so many different emotions. 

I didn't know my heart would respond as if I'm experiencing loss. 

But it is. 

I look out the windows of this house I've been saturated in for ten months and all I see is every single experience God has poured over my life. 

And tears roll violently down my cheeks. 

I find myself not even wanting to take a walk because I'll have to feel the loss of moving again. The loss of what this place was supposed to be. 

Grief makes me so mad. But I know that I know that I know it's the only way possible to move forward. So I let myself grieve and feel. 

I'm going to take a drive this afternoon. And then a walk. And then a sunset. And then I'm going to let go. 

This place has been many many things for me. Many. 

It has been a "Be Still" place. It has been a healing shelter. It has been restful and peaceful. It has been a place where I heard God speak through the wind. It's a place I was given my first gift of tongues. It has been a place where God has used his amazing creation to show me over and over lessons of His hand not only over my life but how to walk steady inside His promises. 

This place in the middle of nowhere I ever knew existed became a haven for my scarred heart. And God with all of His faithfulness came in and poured into me the Balm of Gilead. Soothing ointment that has filled up the hurt of injuries in need of healing. And I say...Thank you Jesus. 

Today has surprised me. How the heart can feel such intense pain when we don't even expect it. I didn't realize I had become so attached to this place. But I have. I haven't wanted to admit that I really wanted to never move again. But it's the truth. 

God uses every single little thing in our life to take us to the next place he has prepared for our journey. So with that truth I know that this place has been used in my life for such an amazing journey that lies ahead of me. 

With each path I've walked out here God has turned a page inside the written book of my life. Page after page has been written here in Whitney, Texas. 

Growth. Healing. Grieving. Learning. Perseverance. Struggle. Victory. Independence. 

Amazing leaps. It has catapulted me far beyond where I was. Now I know that endurance is not something I need to wonder if I have. Because here I found I have it. God is amazing. 

Far beyond my expectations you took me on a journey. 

A Fasting Weekend sent me on a journey I could have never imagined. 

Be Still and know that I am God

Is what you spoke over my life 

And here I stayed against what others thought I should be doing. 

I sat night after night watching the miracle of a sunset. 

Seeing you in every single place I looked 

Being still caused my heart to capture your incredible beauty. 

Oh God, I'm sad to leave our love story. 

Because here is where I have truly fallen in love with YOU. 

My heart has been captured by the stillness it takes to find your essence. 

And I found it. 

So...I know that there is truly nothing to fear 

Because you are truth and you are going with me as I move into this next season you've already set before me. 

Our love story isn't ending. 

It is deepening as I find the words to express my gratefulness in this time you so generously have given me. 

Thank you, Daddy God. 

Set my feet firm inside this new step I'm taking 

God don't forsake me here in this place of moving 

Root me deep into you 

Stand me firm inside this calling 

Show me your greatness over every place I journey. 

Cause me to continue to Be Still and know you are the God over every corner of my life. 

Now...

Help me, God, to grieve today. So that tomorrow Joy will be wrapped around my journey to move forward. 

You are my blessing. 

You are my promise. 

You are my road to travel. 

I'm beyond grateful for you. 

I love you, Jesus.