A Roller Coaster of Thoughts

"A Roller Coaster of Thoughts"

I've been searching out the internet this morning. Looking at different Blogs and trying to weed out this question that comes over and over in me...getting stuck in my head often. 

Why are so many in our world today wanting and insisting that a woman is attractive, appealing and  better prepared for a future if she is capable first of making it on her own in every-way?

I've had fear today to even post this after I write it. 

Fears come in and stops us many times from searching out these answers.  Fear paralysis us from making progress towards growth. So...with that truth accepted...I went to the best place for questions to be answered...The Word of God. 

Google didn't come up with much of anything...except plenty of the secular and world view on why a man is so attracted to an independent woman...but, as much as it said that...in every article I read the same message was prominent. A man truly does long for a tender woman. A woman who gives him the ability to be the man. So, as much as society wants our God given rolls to be all messed up and twisted...the bottom line is...we are all still craving our roles to function as God intended them to. I believe that because of societies pressure we push down and hide away what we really long for. To be standing strong in our God given roles. 

I've never faced this topic as strong as I have had to until my divorce. Until I took on this new role of becoming a single woman. Two years now of complete singleness and one year before that of weaving through separations and my 26 yr marriage falling completely over the edge and into this world called...divorce. I can remember as a married woman thinking at times that I understood divorce and being single. I was so wrong. Very wrong. Unless you live it and experience it...you truly don't GET IT. 

There are many things I've come up against in this new land. However, this one thought and mind set continues to push me to question what so many are trying to convince me is the way to be...the most attractive way to live out my new role. I find myself not being able to fully buy into this message. 

I've always been a questioner. Since I was little I pushed up against what was thrown out at me. Sometimes this was labeled rebellion or defiant. I'm thankful God put this fiery side in me. It has pushed me not to accept every message and thought given out by a man or a woman's opinion. But to search for myself and know who I truly am away from everyone's opinion of what they think I should be. 

As I've navigated through my single life one prominent thought out here is the one I mentioned earlier. "You will be more attractive if you are capable of fully making it on your own." Or from a man's view it is..."I want to see that a woman can be fully self sufficient before I consider her further." This message is not only coming from men and or other women. I see this message coming from our churches. The very place that reads the same Bible I do...is twisting Gods laid out roles in order for what? To keep up with societal views on where we should be in order to be the most attractive? 

It is no lie that God has shown us throughout His word that women have had different roles. Some stayed home, some women in the Bible were teachers, some had jobs and others had ministries. My questioning isn't to be one that locks a woman away in a house to cook and knit all day. No way!! My question and thoughts are deeper than that...and possibly not even something I can fully express here. There is such a great expectation out here in this Single World. And I'm learning and discovering that this expectation is not even coming from this thought of..."How independent can you be before I consider you." I truly believe that the very bottom line of it all is this...we are facing and experiencing a huge group of mid-life aged people who are seriously afraid of commitment. It has become apparent that the fear to recommit after divorce is so thick that it personifies itself in these questions...like mine above...and then in-turn masks the true underlying fear...Commitment. 

Only due to my own experience...thus far...I can now see it to be that we face a lack of commitment to go forward again. I face it too...everyday. Because why?....because it is so simple. Most all of us do not want to go through the hell of another divorce. The pain is something you only know when you've walked through the fire of it. My answer to my own question that continues to peak its head into my thoughts often is this...

I truly don't believe that the main thought behind being independent or self sufficient is the main issue. Because if any of us have lived single for any amount of time...we are being self sufficient and independent. We will live out our self sufficiency and independence in different ways. However, Commitment continues to show up to be the most prominent factor in which I see many using these other "Cover Ups" to be the reason we push back from relationship. 

This writing today was a roller coaster of thoughts poured out which have become for me a glimpse of an answer towards this topic that pops in and out of my single life thinking. If you read this up to this point...thank you for hanging in there with me as I navigated through. As always...I pray that whatever I write is edifying and uplifting to whomever reads...that in someway it will be beneficial to places in your own life that you question and wonder about. 

Blessings sweet friends

Becka