~ In The First Seven Days ~
You have to be happy alone first before you can be with a mate? You have to find yourself first before you can be good for someone significant in your life? You have to heal first before you marry again? You have to learn not to be co-dependent before you bring a spouse into your life?
These along with many other questions have been tossed out in front of me and I know many of you since divorce. I have grown quite frustrated at these questions and I've found myself wondering why they bother me so much. I also find myself arguing inside my own thoughts..."I was married 26 yrs...I know how to be married...I know that it feels better to be in a relationship than alone." Seriously...even the ugliest of relationships bring some sort of stability and comfort and that's why even with the cruelest of abuse we will STAY. Because it is simple...we are with someone. Call it codependent...call it unhealthy...call it whatever you want to find to call it...it's just truth. We all want to be loved, wanted, needed, cared for, caring for someone and part of a family unit.
So, then this is where I find myself asking this question. Why do we want this so bad? Is it bad that we want this? Is it normal? Is it really that we haven't "Found Ourselves" yet? Is it really that we are not healed yet? I really don't think there is that much truth in all of these analogies. And I find myself bothered by them. I've finally come to the place of being ok that I don't have to agree with many of the ideals of why we might not be ready for marriage again and or a relationship. It has been freeing to get to a place where I can form my own opinion and belief around this topic.
About three years back now when my marriage was at the complete moment of devastation I started thinking so much about Creation. God brought this strong and constantly into my mind. In waves and moments He would toss this into my thinking. And still three years later I'm still constantly comparing these analogies of other's thinking about "when we are ready" to how does God really feel about this and what does the beginning of time have to do with these new concepts that tell us if we are prepared enough to have a spouse in our life?
I truly believe the Creation story...the first seven days of God speaking everything into creation has everything to do with answering these questions. I've found myself diving deep into understanding Gods heart and mind as He made the decision in the first seven days of creating everything to decide in those few days that Relationship was IMPORTANT. It wasn't only important...He(God) didn't want Adam to be alone. God didn't wait for Adam to come to him after a month, two years, ten years and say..."Hey, God, I'm lonely and I've healed now from being alone...I know myself and I promise I won't be codependent or too needy. Could you give me a spouse now, God?....promise I'm really ok now." No way!
The coolest thing is that God in all His love and awesome thinking looked at Adam and noticed that like all His other creation Adam didn't have an equal partner to do life with. To procreate with. And the best thing above all else is God himself in scripture made the conclusion that He(God) didn't want Adam to be alone. God was ok with the fact that He didn't want Adam to do life alone. I love this!!! I absolutely love this huge place in the beginning of time. Right there in the first seven days of everything that came to be...God was the one that was not ok with His creation being alone. So, without having a discussion with Adam about weather or not he was ready, asking him if he had spent enough time getting to know himself, had he attended enough classes on codependency and so much other STUFF we put on ourselves...God in all His simplicity yet complexity put Adam to sleep and took a bone from his own flesh and created a spouse, a help meet, a partner, a woman, a lover, someone to do life with and He gave Adam a gift. The translation in Genesis speaks of Eve as being a gift to Adam. Something precious. Something to treasure and care for deeply.
It amazes me and I hope it always will amaze me that God made the huge decision at the very start of everything He made...to make the relationship between and man and a woman forefront in all of what He has done. God was the one that decided within just a few days of creating man that He wasn't ok with that man being lonely. How beautiful is that thought? I believe it is more precious than anything.
This entire perspective on relationship has freed my kind to stop the pressure I've found myself putting on me about when and why and how can I know I'm ready...or have I attended enough classes...am I healed enough....or, will I be too independent or codependent. All I truly have to know is God didn't intend in His idea of creation for man or woman to be alone. He wanted just the opposite for Adam and I believe He wants just the opposite for us.
Does this mean we rush out and find the first person that's lonely? No way!!! God also speaks highly of having wisdom above all else. Please don't misunderstand my heart. My heart is just thrilled to know that the pressure doesn't have to be so thick that we put on ourselves in so many ways. The burdens of doing this right and having this just perfect was never expected of us by our loving Daddy God.
God was and is pretty simple and not as complex in His thinking on this topic. It didn't take Him too long in those seven days to decide...Adam is alone and I don't like that...I'm going to do something about it and so He did. Love it!!!
I totally believe with all my heart that God created us to not be alone. If He did he wouldn't have created a man and a woman within the first seven days of creating everything. To God relationship and companionship is so very important. And God didn't create and guy friend for Adam. Someone Adam could go fishing with, watch football games with or vise versa...nope...God gave him a perfect gift of creating beauty from his own flesh and bone. A beautiful woman. And he gave to Eve a man, strength and a protector.
It's truly a beautiful picture of how much God truly loves us. How thoughtful He is towards us. And how much better He knows what we need in doing life successfully.
Our society and our world has much to say about what we need to do first or how we need to be prepared before. How about we just go back to the very start of everything and remember how God thought about it. It wasn't complicated. It wasn't hard. It didn't take hours of classes and thousands of dollars to figure out that Gods perfect plan and design is for us to be ok with the fact that He did create this beautiful thing called relationships and marriage and Holy Union. He is totally ok with it.
I'm so thankful God is simple in His thinking yet so complex in His design. I'm grateful to be part of His beautiful creation. We serve a wonderful and loving Father.
These along with many other questions have been tossed out in front of me and I know many of you since divorce. I have grown quite frustrated at these questions and I've found myself wondering why they bother me so much. I also find myself arguing inside my own thoughts..."I was married 26 yrs...I know how to be married...I know that it feels better to be in a relationship than alone." Seriously...even the ugliest of relationships bring some sort of stability and comfort and that's why even with the cruelest of abuse we will STAY. Because it is simple...we are with someone. Call it codependent...call it unhealthy...call it whatever you want to find to call it...it's just truth. We all want to be loved, wanted, needed, cared for, caring for someone and part of a family unit.
So, then this is where I find myself asking this question. Why do we want this so bad? Is it bad that we want this? Is it normal? Is it really that we haven't "Found Ourselves" yet? Is it really that we are not healed yet? I really don't think there is that much truth in all of these analogies. And I find myself bothered by them. I've finally come to the place of being ok that I don't have to agree with many of the ideals of why we might not be ready for marriage again and or a relationship. It has been freeing to get to a place where I can form my own opinion and belief around this topic.
About three years back now when my marriage was at the complete moment of devastation I started thinking so much about Creation. God brought this strong and constantly into my mind. In waves and moments He would toss this into my thinking. And still three years later I'm still constantly comparing these analogies of other's thinking about "when we are ready" to how does God really feel about this and what does the beginning of time have to do with these new concepts that tell us if we are prepared enough to have a spouse in our life?
I truly believe the Creation story...the first seven days of God speaking everything into creation has everything to do with answering these questions. I've found myself diving deep into understanding Gods heart and mind as He made the decision in the first seven days of creating everything to decide in those few days that Relationship was IMPORTANT. It wasn't only important...He(God) didn't want Adam to be alone. God didn't wait for Adam to come to him after a month, two years, ten years and say..."Hey, God, I'm lonely and I've healed now from being alone...I know myself and I promise I won't be codependent or too needy. Could you give me a spouse now, God?....promise I'm really ok now." No way!
The coolest thing is that God in all His love and awesome thinking looked at Adam and noticed that like all His other creation Adam didn't have an equal partner to do life with. To procreate with. And the best thing above all else is God himself in scripture made the conclusion that He(God) didn't want Adam to be alone. God was ok with the fact that He didn't want Adam to do life alone. I love this!!! I absolutely love this huge place in the beginning of time. Right there in the first seven days of everything that came to be...God was the one that was not ok with His creation being alone. So, without having a discussion with Adam about weather or not he was ready, asking him if he had spent enough time getting to know himself, had he attended enough classes on codependency and so much other STUFF we put on ourselves...God in all His simplicity yet complexity put Adam to sleep and took a bone from his own flesh and created a spouse, a help meet, a partner, a woman, a lover, someone to do life with and He gave Adam a gift. The translation in Genesis speaks of Eve as being a gift to Adam. Something precious. Something to treasure and care for deeply.
It amazes me and I hope it always will amaze me that God made the huge decision at the very start of everything He made...to make the relationship between and man and a woman forefront in all of what He has done. God was the one that decided within just a few days of creating man that He wasn't ok with that man being lonely. How beautiful is that thought? I believe it is more precious than anything.
This entire perspective on relationship has freed my kind to stop the pressure I've found myself putting on me about when and why and how can I know I'm ready...or have I attended enough classes...am I healed enough....or, will I be too independent or codependent. All I truly have to know is God didn't intend in His idea of creation for man or woman to be alone. He wanted just the opposite for Adam and I believe He wants just the opposite for us.
Does this mean we rush out and find the first person that's lonely? No way!!! God also speaks highly of having wisdom above all else. Please don't misunderstand my heart. My heart is just thrilled to know that the pressure doesn't have to be so thick that we put on ourselves in so many ways. The burdens of doing this right and having this just perfect was never expected of us by our loving Daddy God.
God was and is pretty simple and not as complex in His thinking on this topic. It didn't take Him too long in those seven days to decide...Adam is alone and I don't like that...I'm going to do something about it and so He did. Love it!!!
I totally believe with all my heart that God created us to not be alone. If He did he wouldn't have created a man and a woman within the first seven days of creating everything. To God relationship and companionship is so very important. And God didn't create and guy friend for Adam. Someone Adam could go fishing with, watch football games with or vise versa...nope...God gave him a perfect gift of creating beauty from his own flesh and bone. A beautiful woman. And he gave to Eve a man, strength and a protector.
It's truly a beautiful picture of how much God truly loves us. How thoughtful He is towards us. And how much better He knows what we need in doing life successfully.
Our society and our world has much to say about what we need to do first or how we need to be prepared before. How about we just go back to the very start of everything and remember how God thought about it. It wasn't complicated. It wasn't hard. It didn't take hours of classes and thousands of dollars to figure out that Gods perfect plan and design is for us to be ok with the fact that He did create this beautiful thing called relationships and marriage and Holy Union. He is totally ok with it.
I'm so thankful God is simple in His thinking yet so complex in His design. I'm grateful to be part of His beautiful creation. We serve a wonderful and loving Father.
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