Exposed Behind The Pulpit ~ Part Two

Exposed Behind The Pulpit

I've often wondered throughout my life what it would be like to just be a "member"…for me this would have to mean someone who just attends a church. Not the Minister's wife, not the Sunday School Teacher's wife, not the Music Pastor's wife…not anybody's anything…just a member. A person who chooses to attend a church because they decided to attend a church. Not because they are going to be working there or someone they are attached to will be working there. Not a Missionaries daughter or a Preacher's daughter. Not a Special Speaker or a Visiting Guest…just a "regular person". That is what they are called by those of us who have only and always been behind the Pulpit. Yup….Regular People. 

Just thought all you "regular people" would like to know that I've always wanted to know what it would feel like to be you. For the first time in my life I'm getting this opportunity and I have to say I actually really like it. It is freeing…it is exposing things I've only wondered about…it is lonely at times…it is relaxing…it is my choice…it is not filled with anxiety…it is safe…it is a place I hope to learn from.


There are many areas about my years leaving Behind The Pulpit that I'm thankful for and there are many areas I wished I could erase from my memory forever. I have to say…it is good to be a "Regular Person"…however, it is something that doesn't come easy. Because, as much as I want to fill this role I know too much about Pulpit Living and so with that I can't completely let go of all the knowings. It is a struggle…but, I'm willing to step out from behind the Pulpit and just be. And really it is not a willing…it is my life now. There is now no need to be behind the Pulpit…there is no need because it is no longer even a part of my life. For the first time in 45 years I no longer carry the role of someone connected to a Pulpit Life. 

For the first time in my entire life I do not live my life Exposed…unless I choose to Expose. 

And by choosing I have gained a great sense of satisfaction and reward in sharing. Knowing with each word I write that I know exactly how God helped me get here and how He continues to help me move through each and every moment to come. 

The trick in my mind is to realize and grasped the simple truth that we are all just Regular People. No one is on that pedestal unless others put them there. Standing behind the Pulpit or standing behind it unseen is not an elevation of being better…sadly it does do that to so many and so many do that to those behind it. 

Yes, leaving a Pulpit Life comes with many hidden secrets. I'm not naive to know that many experience rewarding lives and can walk away at the end of there's unscathed and better for there life behind this exposure. Others, however, come to their end wounded and weary. I am and always have been happy for those who can live this Pulpit Life victoriously and untouched by the affects of its Exposure. On the flip side…my heart aches for those who can not and have not even had this choice. The PK's(preachers kids)….the MK's(missionaries kids)…the wives…those whose lives have been sacrificially given for the call of another. These are the lives God has laid so heavy on my heart. For how can there not be a heaviness when you've been there yourself. And so…I have. 

Outside the nursery I stood. I had just dropped off my twins and was on my way to the Choir Room. As I made the corner…out of breath from trying to get two active one year old twins out of the car and into the church…I am encountered by three women. In my young sort of naive way I assumed these women were excited to see me. Much to my surprise they were not. The three of them had an agenda and I was just that…their agenda. Their Lunch!! I had no time to speak or make an escape. They started in as if they were furious female lionesses…ready to have me for lunch…and so they did. They shot out words so quickly and with such venom that to this day the scene is forever etched in my memory and the pain is still felt with intensity. The lionesses set in on me about my twins…they attacked me about their opinion of how I think my twins are "all that" in the church. I was accused of showing them off…dressing them too nice…prancing them around to make them popular. The accusations were thrown back and forth with no pausing. The bites came fast and strong…the three of them circled around me and bit right into my face. Tears flowed down like a fountain over my cheeks…with great sounds of taking deep exhausting grunts. I was wounded…I had been bit. I was scarred. The three women left with as much force as they entered this scene. I was left alone…tears that would not stop and a sickness that left me frozen. But…with as much injury as they had accomplished I did what every typical Minister's Wife would have done. I stuck it quickly in one of my empty yet already crowded places inside and I headed off to the choir room to eventually stand in my position to prepare for the entering of my life behind the Pulpit. I smiled…I visited…I hugged…I acted...alas I was able to pick up my twins…get back in my car…get home and there again cry cry cry. 

I thought about entering some scripture that would help make my sharing more spiritual and this might just be the perfect place. But, I don't have peace in doing that. God knows my heart is full of His love and healing. He knows that throughout these writings flows many years of leaning and trusting in who He has been in my life. I don't have to prove to Jesus Christ that I would be more validated in sharing my truths by adding a "spiritual touch"…just by telling my story I am adding the spiritual touch that He expects. Because my life and fullness does come by knowing Him and by knowing Him and having Him in my life I am of great value. 

Living a Pulpit life can leave one beat up and struggling with a sense of value. It can also turn a beat up life into a life that becomes stronger and lifted. Lifting leads to strength and strength leads to standing strong in the face of adversity. I don't regret my years living Exposed Behind A Pulpit. I have learned many valuable life lessons. I have captured a love for others and a determination to have my eyes wide open in life. Pulpit Living comes with sacrifice. It comes most often with a lonely existence. A small surrounding of closeness with others. It can come with much isolation. And most often it comes with secrets and many times lies. But…just like so many others that walk on this earth struggle too with so much…we all eventually have to make choices and in making those choices we choose how to manage and live through our adversities. This is what builds character and this is what makes us either more like Jesus or less like Him. It is ultimately our choice. 

I choose Jesus. 

Many Blessings.