~ Dancing On The Ceiling ~

Grief has taken on a new look for me the last few weeks. As much as it has been my life for these last two years…it never seems to matter the time, the place, the moment that a new spot of this grief place will hit.

Grief can slam you up against whatever you are standing next to. It could even be nothing at all that you hit but, the hit is there no matter if there is an object or not.

I have been sitting at my desk here at work all day. Looking…staring at this screen. Wondering how to start doing my job. So, with forced hands and an unwilling mind to work…I work. I find myself thinking of strange things. Things like…Dancing on the ceiling. Wasn’t that in an ‘80’s song? Crazy…right? But, that’s this place my head has been thrown into for many days now.

Nice thing to know…others have grieved. Jesus grieved. How comforting is that? Very much to me.

It’s funny how grieving can take on so many different faces. At the very beginning of my grieving journey I had a numb face to what was out in front of me. I buried the thoughts of what had happened in my life and I forged ahead looking and experiencing things I had never seen, done or heard about. Yet, underneath this forging was a pile of murky grief about to spew out…and it did. Messy…yucky…painful grief! We have these places. We try not to face them. We get all tangled up in distractions. With thoughts like…as long as we are distracted this grief place will magically go away. It doesn’t. Until we face these dark and sad moments. Until we respect them enough to help them heal…they haunt…they stay stuck in our souls.

The steps to grief are so real. I’ve discovered for me that they do not come in some great order. They are not respectful of my time. They could care less where I am or who I’m with. They…those steps…those cycles…the unwanted journey of grief could care less who you are…what title you hold…what you are trying to get done. Grief is just going to come. Remembering that Jesus suffered every form of emotion and trial. He endured the steps. He endured how they feel and what they do. He knows and He cares about these grief places. When my mind settles and I calm…this fact helps my soul to take a rest. Resting in grief and through grief is the salvation that I’m thankful for.

So…should I dance on the ceiling? Humor…it does a heart good. Even silly thoughts like this one…dancing on a ceiling. In some weird and strange way…it helps me. It bounces me back to reality. It places my stirred up thoughts gently down to rest…even if just for a season.

If I could encourage anyone through this journey of grief…I would just say…like I say to myself. Don’t force yourself to move away from these grief places. Don’t be afraid to look them straight in the face. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t be afraid to experience what they feel like. Just move…move through them. Allow your heart to feel the intensity and pain. Do it with Jesus holding you. Sometimes you will grieve alone…most of the time you will. It’s just the truth. It’s just reality.

When I figure out why this phrase, “dancing on the ceiling”, came into my mind during one of my grief moments…I’ll share. Possibly…I don’t need to know. And if that’s so…I’m just fine with that!